Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Balm of Gilead

I was thinking of just closing out this blog and being done with it, because I'm so bad about writing on it these days and I'm pretty sure only about three people read it anyway so it would pretty much go unnoticed. But...!!!...circumstances lately have made me rethink this. I've been so depressed lately. For lots of reasons...but none that I need nor want to share. All I want to do is draw everything around me so tightly that I disappear. Apparently though, Heavenly Father doesn't want me to do this. (Probably because I have four beautiful children that need me..you think?) So, he sent me angels that have ministered to my heart and have helped me find peace in little ways. I am trying now to find my happy places in myself and work from there. Today we were doing school and my kids were giving me such a hard time. I started to fall apart, but was able to rein it in as I looked at these little people that have my heart. They were sorry for giving me a hard time. I forgave them. We moved on.

Have you read the Psalm's in the Bible lately? I admit I haven't read them for a long, long, long time. And the last time I read them, I am pretty sure that I was just glossing over them in an attempt to get it done and say I'd read it. Last night I really began reading them. Reading the encouraging words to David and to all of us. Reading about how much we are loved and how NOT alone we are...even when we feel like nobody on the planet cares. Last night I was encouraged to read Psalm 61 and 138.  "In the day when I cried thou answerdest me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul." Isn't that beautiful?

So! I'm not looking to have a pity party or looking to get any sort of sympathies. This is just where I am right now. There is no written blog law that all blog entries must be totally happy and positive. I feel as if I've been underwater, drowning, and trying to figure out how to get out onto that dry dock. I think that my head has finally broken the surface of water and I've gotten a breath...now...I will doggie paddle with all my might to figure out how to get to that dock.

But...not to leave on a too bummed out note...here is a fuzzy picture of our newest, dear, little friend. The kids named him Robert Burglar Raccoon. We call him Robby for short. He comes by every evening to see what goodies the kids have left out for him. Most of the time it is just a couple of slices of bread. Last night he got the fat off our steak and some moldy cheese to go with his bread. The kids aren't allowed to be outside when he's in our yard, but it has been fun watching him and learning all about him through our sliding door. (please excuse the mess of toys...Robby didn't mind) (now...we just need to figure out if it's really a Robert...or a Roberta!)

I have been thinking a lot about the song, "Did You Think to Pray"...I love the words to this song...Especially the last two verses.
  1. When your heart was filled with anger,
    Did you think to pray?
    Did you plead for grace, my brother,
    That you might forgive another
    Who had crossed your way?
  2. When sore trials came upon you,
    Did you think to pray?
    When your soul was bowed in sorrow,
    Balm of Gilead did you borrow
    At the gates of day?
  3. Refrain:
    Oh, how praying rests the weary!
    Prayer will change the night to day;
    So when life seems dark and dreary,
    Don’t forget to pray.


mrs. olson said...

I'm glad you're doing better. Depression isn't fun at all.

Shauna said...

I love your blog and keeping up with your family. I would be sad if you didn't blog and don't mind that it's sporadic. Love you and hope you are doing better.